Kurt Apil
Professor
Whole, but not complete
Wholeness is an experience
I had to first believe it – truly believe it, before I experienced it
I know it now – finally, deeply
I know it to be real
I feel it
I know the day it happened
When the years-long process came to fruition
But with words – these symbols – I cannot explain what it is
Or where it is
I just know that it is
Deeply know
Wholeness came, authenticity came
It brought an inner peace – a letting go of my projections
Raised above the questions, I am not separate any longer
I am one with God, the ones I choose to love
And, in fact, with everyone and everything on the planet
I know when it happened – love’s presence filled me
I didn’t feel alone any longer
I didn’t need to chase anymore
I didn’t need to plan anymore
It is still all around me
I began to love the world
The unloved, the unconnected, the unwilling, the unconscious
Love flowed when I was ready to experience it, when I became whole
A strength I didn’t know was possible, built on vulnerability
I also know that, even though I am now whole
I am not complete as yet
I am an ongoing work
It is a timed maturity
Choices I can make to the emergent offerings
And the patterns of awareness that God and the Universe chooses to reveal
At this point in time
It is the search for completeness that connects me with others
There is no answer – no completeness yet
There is only the experience of wholeness
A creative tension of wholeness without completeness